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[At first nothing gives. Just another fruitless endeavor. Nothing here matters... except the smallest action. An attempt to break through and to change.
Then suddenly cracks appear, spiderwebbing in all directions, distorting both Chrono's reflection and the sea behind the barrier. A small chip of glass falls away leaving a small hole. Light flows between the two spaces.]
Then suddenly cracks appear, spiderwebbing in all directions, distorting both Chrono's reflection and the sea behind the barrier. A small chip of glass falls away leaving a small hole. Light flows between the two spaces.]
[ attempt to break through and change. find and forge ahead with a new possibility, a goal, a future to look forward to. the sand shifts beneath his feet as the cracks appear and he takes a step back, watching the beam of light cross the threshold.
chrono throws the rock aside. instead, his fist meets the now-visible glass, uncaring about the cuts he might sustain as he strikes it. ]
chrono throws the rock aside. instead, his fist meets the now-visible glass, uncaring about the cuts he might sustain as he strikes it. ]
[At first it holds, seemingly resistant to Chrono's blows, then suddenly... the entire part of the wall caves in and shatters completely. The ocean air flows around him, warm and pleasant with the sound of gentle waves crashing onto the shore.
It's a pleasant place, all things considered. But it's so empty. It's the feeling of the void again. What is beauty if there's no one to help you understand it?]
It's a pleasant place, all things considered. But it's so empty. It's the feeling of the void again. What is beauty if there's no one to help you understand it?]
[ the barrier breaking has him stumbling through, the follow-through of his punches carrying him past the line. it's... not bad, on this side, now that there's a way in and out - no matter how jagged the edges or littered the ground is around it.
but he looks up, feels that pull still. the unbearable yawning depth. his brow creases, and he looks out to the shoreline ahead, extending a hand again.
...kaworu? ]
but he looks up, feels that pull still. the unbearable yawning depth. his brow creases, and he looks out to the shoreline ahead, extending a hand again.
...kaworu? ]
[Who's there...?
The thought is timid and surprised, almost incredulous, to hear another voice reaching for him. There's a pull towards a small tide pool, one completely that would be completely submerged at night during high-tide. Inside, a small, pale-haired boy is curled up inside, half submerged in the clear water.]
The thought is timid and surprised, almost incredulous, to hear another voice reaching for him. There's a pull towards a small tide pool, one completely that would be completely submerged at night during high-tide. Inside, a small, pale-haired boy is curled up inside, half submerged in the clear water.]
[ for some reason, it feels necessary to tread the beach carefully, no matter how badly he wants to run when that quiet response finally comes through. as if despite the pressure of the void, what was contained within it was easily breakable. frail, like that first hint of presence.
he makes his way to the little pool, and crouches down beside it. with careful hands, raw and stinging at the knuckles from where they'd struck the barrier, he reaches in to pull the boy upright and out of the seawater. ]
There you are.
he makes his way to the little pool, and crouches down beside it. with careful hands, raw and stinging at the knuckles from where they'd struck the barrier, he reaches in to pull the boy upright and out of the seawater. ]
There you are.
[Kaworu blinks up at him, confused, like he can't believe this is happening. This beach had been on his mind since he was a child and it was always the same: infinite and lonely, forever trapped between two places he cannot enter.
Still, without even thinking or waiting for a prompt, he reaches up and takes Chrono's extended hand.]
Still, without even thinking or waiting for a prompt, he reaches up and takes Chrono's extended hand.]
[ we're all still confused here, really. but chrono's expression is exhausted, steely and determined as he pulls kaworu up. he's strong, and kaworu is small, even drenched in saltwater in this heavy dreamscape - it doesn't take much effort to hoist him free.
which is good, because he has very little energy left. chrono falls back on his hands, breathing out a shaky exhale. then, a smile, a little drawn in the corners. ]
Hey. Sorry it took so long to find you.
which is good, because he has very little energy left. chrono falls back on his hands, breathing out a shaky exhale. then, a smile, a little drawn in the corners. ]
Hey. Sorry it took so long to find you.
[Kaworu steadies himself on Chrono's knee, the salt water running down the back of his neck and dripping off his hair. He notices Chrono's exhaustion and the red on his hands and immediately feels guilty. For bringing Chrono here. And then for being selfish enough to be glad to see him.]
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring you here.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring you here.
[ it doesn't matter how tired he is now, because before finding him he'd have kept going for however long was needed. he'll lift a hand to support kaworu, steadying on his shoulder, and lean forward to be more of a solid presence. ]
What? You didn't. I came looking.
What? You didn't. I came looking.
[Kaworu just turns away from Chrono in the bed, onto us uninjured left side, is quiet for a moment. It's like whatever spark was in him before has been snuffed out, leaving just a husk.]
We went somewhere. ...I turned into that thing.
[He tried to kill Jiaqiu... He killed Charlie. He killed Anders. Even if it wasn't real... He swallows as to not be sick.]
We went somewhere. ...I turned into that thing.
[He tried to kill Jiaqiu... He killed Charlie. He killed Anders. Even if it wasn't real... He swallows as to not be sick.]
I don't know. We were just there. ...Like how it happened to everyone else.
[So perhaps it was just a cruel twist of fate that he was chosen. At least it's different than his fate being chosen for him.
His thoughts are jumbled and move too fast to catch except for one that rises to the surface.
Perhaps because I am a creature born from cruelty. It is in my very nature.]
[So perhaps it was just a cruel twist of fate that he was chosen. At least it's different than his fate being chosen for him.
His thoughts are jumbled and move too fast to catch except for one that rises to the surface.
Perhaps because I am a creature born from cruelty. It is in my very nature.]
[ god he fucking hates it here. for every positive, a heavy negative just kicks their footing out from under them all.
he moves, carefully, to take kaworu's hand. ]
Your nature isn't who you are. You're a kind person, Kaworu. Everyone wants to look out for you, and you want to care for us. That's not the result of cruelty.
he moves, carefully, to take kaworu's hand. ]
Your nature isn't who you are. You're a kind person, Kaworu. Everyone wants to look out for you, and you want to care for us. That's not the result of cruelty.
[For a moment, his fingers grip Chrono's hand and then he drops it, like burned his flesh.]
You can't do things like that Chrono. ...My nature is more than you know.
You can't do things like that Chrono. ...My nature is more than you know.
You saw what I was earlier.
[His visible is glossy, perhaps from the fever that's currently ravaging his body.]
I don't want to hurt you.
[His visible is glossy, perhaps from the fever that's currently ravaging his body.]
I don't want to hurt you.
You can't. That's not who you are.
[ shit. water. he'll pull a bottle and a cloth from the bundle of supplies he's been carrying around, and set to making some sort of cool compress. why is everyone so sick...? ]
The fact that you don't want to hurt me is enough proof.
[ shit. water. he'll pull a bottle and a cloth from the bundle of supplies he's been carrying around, and set to making some sort of cool compress. why is everyone so sick...? ]
The fact that you don't want to hurt me is enough proof.
Chrono, you don't understand-!
[Just using every bit of his strength to move as far away from the other boy as he possibly can. Which is to the other end of the bed because he has no strength right now.]
I like you-! And that means I can't control it.
[Just using every bit of his strength to move as far away from the other boy as he possibly can. Which is to the other end of the bed because he has no strength right now.]
I like you-! And that means I can't control it.
Because I wish you felt the same and that's what feeds it.
[That want... that need to be loved, to be special in someone's eyes. He just feels shame. Shame at being unlikeable, shame at admitting his pointless feelings, shame at realizing how pointless his feelings for Shinji were too, shame at being a creature that hurt his friends.]
[That want... that need to be loved, to be special in someone's eyes. He just feels shame. Shame at being unlikeable, shame at admitting his pointless feelings, shame at realizing how pointless his feelings for Shinji were too, shame at being a creature that hurt his friends.]
...I'm sorry. This has been what's hurting you?
[ these wounds, physical and emotional, caused by something so tempestuous and confusing. he hadn't meant to feed it, hadn't wanted to, never would have if he'd fully comprehended. to him, that feeling ran deep and concurrent, the kind of love and care he felt so strongly for those he bonded with.
the kind of bonds that were exploitable in the past, no matter their nature. the kind that made them all hurt now, but drew each of them closer together after every tragedy. sure, he'd found something -- more, with someone else, but that reduced nothing of how he cared for kaworu. ]
Even-- even if it's not exactly the same, I don't feel less for you.
[ he sighs, taking a chair and burying his face in his hands for a moment. he's not good at words if he thinks about them too hard, so he lets instinct carry them along. ]
When you told me about your past, that loneliness... it's familiar, you know? I can't understand the things you went through, the people who hurt you. But that feeling I knew. It makes everything feel outer, false, until something changes. Here, it's been such a mess of highs and lows that it's impossible to say what started it-- but you felt it, right? You changed.
I realised back when it changed for me, how valuable it is to just... let people in, let them care for you, care for them back. It's the first step, and it's hard to accept it, when you feel like everything's bearing down on you. When all your history tells you is that you'll be left behind, or cause another problem. It's not exactly the same. But that's the kind of person I want to be, for you. The fact that others can take on parts of it doesn't make each bond any less special.
[ a shaky exhale. ]
I don't know if it's enough, but... it helped me, before anything else.
[ these wounds, physical and emotional, caused by something so tempestuous and confusing. he hadn't meant to feed it, hadn't wanted to, never would have if he'd fully comprehended. to him, that feeling ran deep and concurrent, the kind of love and care he felt so strongly for those he bonded with.
the kind of bonds that were exploitable in the past, no matter their nature. the kind that made them all hurt now, but drew each of them closer together after every tragedy. sure, he'd found something -- more, with someone else, but that reduced nothing of how he cared for kaworu. ]
Even-- even if it's not exactly the same, I don't feel less for you.
[ he sighs, taking a chair and burying his face in his hands for a moment. he's not good at words if he thinks about them too hard, so he lets instinct carry them along. ]
When you told me about your past, that loneliness... it's familiar, you know? I can't understand the things you went through, the people who hurt you. But that feeling I knew. It makes everything feel outer, false, until something changes. Here, it's been such a mess of highs and lows that it's impossible to say what started it-- but you felt it, right? You changed.
I realised back when it changed for me, how valuable it is to just... let people in, let them care for you, care for them back. It's the first step, and it's hard to accept it, when you feel like everything's bearing down on you. When all your history tells you is that you'll be left behind, or cause another problem. It's not exactly the same. But that's the kind of person I want to be, for you. The fact that others can take on parts of it doesn't make each bond any less special.
[ a shaky exhale. ]
I don't know if it's enough, but... it helped me, before anything else.
[Kaworu is silent. He doesn't cry. He's tired of it and wonders if being such a child is what caused all of this in the first place. He keeps his eye fixated firmly on the ground. He tries not to think about an endless shore.]
It's okay Chrono. You don't have to comfort me.
[It's not Chrono's fault that Kaworu is such a twisted thing and made of pieces that were never met to be put together. It has left him to exist on peripheries, unable to cross into either world, and forever hungering for something to make him whole, to not be left behind. There's a desire that gnaws at him, that is not happy with all that he's been given here, like dark and hungry void in his heart wanting things he knows won't be given. That's why the demon took hold of him with such ease.
Now, all he can do, as Chrono said, is try to find happiness in friends and company and not let the void take hold. Especially not now, while the demon lingers]
I'll be alright.
It's okay Chrono. You don't have to comfort me.
[It's not Chrono's fault that Kaworu is such a twisted thing and made of pieces that were never met to be put together. It has left him to exist on peripheries, unable to cross into either world, and forever hungering for something to make him whole, to not be left behind. There's a desire that gnaws at him, that is not happy with all that he's been given here, like dark and hungry void in his heart wanting things he knows won't be given. That's why the demon took hold of him with such ease.
Now, all he can do, as Chrono said, is try to find happiness in friends and company and not let the void take hold. Especially not now, while the demon lingers]
I'll be alright.
[Just landing lightly on his feet on the beach like he was floating out of the sky. His hair and skin are damp and he almost looks ethereal if he wasn't shivering like crazy.
Fun adventures are fun.]
Fun adventures are fun.]
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