[ these wounds, physical and emotional, caused by something so tempestuous and confusing. he hadn't meant to feed it, hadn't wanted to, never would have if he'd fully comprehended. to him, that feeling ran deep and concurrent, the kind of love and care he felt so strongly for those he bonded with.
the kind of bonds that were exploitable in the past, no matter their nature. the kind that made them all hurt now, but drew each of them closer together after every tragedy. sure, he'd found something -- more, with someone else, but that reduced nothing of how he cared for kaworu. ]
Even-- even if it's not exactly the same, I don't feel less for you.
[ he sighs, taking a chair and burying his face in his hands for a moment. he's not good at words if he thinks about them too hard, so he lets instinct carry them along. ]
When you told me about your past, that loneliness... it's familiar, you know? I can't understand the things you went through, the people who hurt you. But that feeling I knew. It makes everything feel outer, false, until something changes. Here, it's been such a mess of highs and lows that it's impossible to say what started it-- but you felt it, right? You changed.
I realised back when it changed for me, how valuable it is to just... let people in, let them care for you, care for them back. It's the first step, and it's hard to accept it, when you feel like everything's bearing down on you. When all your history tells you is that you'll be left behind, or cause another problem. It's not exactly the same. But that's the kind of person I want to be, for you. The fact that others can take on parts of it doesn't make each bond any less special.
[ a shaky exhale. ]
I don't know if it's enough, but... it helped me, before anything else.
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[ these wounds, physical and emotional, caused by something so tempestuous and confusing. he hadn't meant to feed it, hadn't wanted to, never would have if he'd fully comprehended. to him, that feeling ran deep and concurrent, the kind of love and care he felt so strongly for those he bonded with.
the kind of bonds that were exploitable in the past, no matter their nature. the kind that made them all hurt now, but drew each of them closer together after every tragedy. sure, he'd found something -- more, with someone else, but that reduced nothing of how he cared for kaworu. ]
Even-- even if it's not exactly the same, I don't feel less for you.
[ he sighs, taking a chair and burying his face in his hands for a moment. he's not good at words if he thinks about them too hard, so he lets instinct carry them along. ]
When you told me about your past, that loneliness... it's familiar, you know? I can't understand the things you went through, the people who hurt you. But that feeling I knew. It makes everything feel outer, false, until something changes. Here, it's been such a mess of highs and lows that it's impossible to say what started it-- but you felt it, right? You changed.
I realised back when it changed for me, how valuable it is to just... let people in, let them care for you, care for them back. It's the first step, and it's hard to accept it, when you feel like everything's bearing down on you. When all your history tells you is that you'll be left behind, or cause another problem. It's not exactly the same. But that's the kind of person I want to be, for you. The fact that others can take on parts of it doesn't make each bond any less special.
[ a shaky exhale. ]
I don't know if it's enough, but... it helped me, before anything else.