catch-all; kaworu

[clockpunk]

Comments

Week 7, Saturday

[peripheries]

[Just sitting on the railing of the lighthouse... really unconcerned about any danger.]

[clockpunk]

[ it's nice up here with everything back to normal. he'll walk up quietly, a gentle smile on his face, and lean on the railing next to him. ]

Big day.

[peripheries]

Mmm. I think some of the trials felt bigger though.

[clockpunk]

That's fair.

[ he's not sure he agrees - the trials had felt worse, but the flow of desperate activity had kept his mind occupied, unlike the scale of having god and satan observe the collective depressive breakdown of today. ]

...have you been able to think more on what you're going to do?

[peripheries]

For some reason this hadn't upset him, merely frustrated him. Perhaps his distance from his own humanity was the cause.

He swings legs, looking down at the beach below his white sneakers.]

I wavered for a moment when faced with another path... but I'm going with Anders. It's the best choice for me.

[clockpunk]

[ he's not surprised by the answer, but an ache of disappointment bleeds into his emotions anyway. logically - he agrees, probably. but it still hurts a little.

ah. the sting of rejection, in a way. maybe it's karma. ]

Sorry for causing you to feel conflicted. [ he breathes out, turning so his back is against the rails. ] I'm glad you stuck to your guns, though.

[peripheries]

It wouldn't have been good for either of us. Built on kind gestures and hopes of things that would never be. Not a chance for a real future.

[It was tempting at first, since he hoped it could ease the ache in his heart. Only to realize it would simply cause the pain to fester like an infection preventing healing.

Or maybe he's just running away.]

[clockpunk]

There'd be a place for you. People for you to meet. But...

[ a real future? maybe? perhaps he would grow more, with people who could guide him better. ]

You're gonna be good with them. [ ... ] Keep in touch, though?

[peripheries]

I can't see how I would find that place without you, so I'd still be relying on you. And the truth is I want to rely on you, which is why I know I can't. It would just cause pain and be bad for us.

[He keeps his eyes transfixed on the ground below and the ocean beyond. He grips the railing tightly.]

Yes. Of course.

[clockpunk]

...okay. You're really considerate, you know that?

[ he doesn't mind being relied on. but he'd inadvertently caused pain like this before, even if only similarly, back home. ]

No matter what, I'm going to miss you, Kaworu.

[peripheries]

I'm not. I'm being selfish. Just thinking of myself.

[Don't let him off the hook! Perhaps he just wants to protect his own heart and nothing more. The other reasons are just for show. He rubs at his face, pressing with his knuckles.]

I'll miss you too.