[ he'll shift their hands a bit, a slightly more comfortable hold, and lean against kaworu a little back. he's cautious though, given how much smaller kaworu is. ]
You wanna know? Okay... [ hmmm. ] Well, it's just called Card Capital 2. It's where I met my friends for the first time. When I became old enough to have a part-time job, I asked if they'd hire me, and the owner gave me a few trial jobs which I passed. There's cabinets for customers to browse, and I spend a lot of time teaching new players. It's nice.
[Could he be friends with Chrono's friends? Could he have friends outside of heaven? Or would it just be a repeat of everything that went wrong in Tokyo-III]
[ it's said so earnestly, with such a wistful smile. god he misses them all so much. ]
I actually don't make friends easily. We were shoved together at first - Shion and Tokoha and me. It took a long time for us to warm up to each other, but when things started to go wrong, they stuck with me even though they didn't have to.
[he would have imagined Chrono with so many friends. He seems so friendly and kind-hearted. Someone who says the right thing instead of the wrong thing.]
Every day. [ his grip on their handhold tightens briefly. ] But even before... this, I was missin' them. Tokoha moved abroad, and Shion's always busy.
[ a sigh. they still talk, nearly every day. but it's not the same. ]
But I have Kazuma, as long as he'll put up with me. Which he seems to do, for some reason, even though I annoy the hell out of him for sure. [ ...ah ] Sorry, this turned into a bit of a speech.
No. It's nice, I always wondered what having friends would be like. I never thought about what it would be like to lose them or not be able to see them.
[ ...ah man. yeah. sorry he just apologised about speeching but you've activated him again ]
Even if you can't see them, as long as you still feel that you're friends, that bond won't break. You can go months without seein' someone, and then the next time you do it's like nothing's changed. Or... even never see them again, but your time with them is so special that it's enough to keep going. It's hard, for sure, but always worth it.
If I leave here then I'm alone again. I don't want a second life if it's going to be like that. I'd rather just be gone then know this place was here and I'm not.
Don't talk like that. [ his tone is serious, and a little hurt. ] You don't have to stay that way when you've learned a lot here. Using it's not so hard.
[ ...he flexes his free hand, briefly. ]
And... I don't know if it's actually possible, but I wondered if maybe I could reach out and find you all, one day. If you're not around, then I won't have the chance to try.
Then maybe you can go somewhere else. If there's actually any intention of redemption here, it'd be pretty shit if you were given a second chance into nothing.
[ there's no hesitance in the answer, but it's pained. ]
I wanted to. Zhongli... he trusted the angels, at least. I tried, but it's happened too many times now. Even so... I still want to have a little hope. It can't all die out.
Please don't talk about protecting me. It doesn't... go well. [ wow he hates thinking about this. okay ] But... thanks, Kaworu. You matter to me, too. I'm glad I got to meet you.
[He can not talk about protecting. He can do it and not talk about it. But being told that he matters just... cracks something in him. His eyes start to burn and so he raises his free arm to cover his eyes as he starts to tears start to run down his cheeks and his thin shoulders shaking with little suppressed sobs. Just allergies, obviously. He's fine.]
immediately, chrono draws ahead of him, still holding their hands between them.
he's not sure about kissing him, the same way he had at the party. there's a reason he hasn't brought it up as promised. there's nerves there, to set some expectation for someone like kaworu, who still wasn't sure of himself, whose emotions were still finding their proper places in his heart.
but. he'll wrap his free arm around kaworu's shoulders, press his mouth to the crown of his head instead, and speak gently into his hair. ]
You didn't. I was glad to hear that I mattered to you. I'd never heard words like that before. And then suddenly there were tears even though I was happy. It's strange.
[Kaworu is a strange being for sure. He knows what he wants, confident and bold, and yet even gentle words can sometimes shatter him.
The forehead kiss is so gentle and sweet that the tears stop and he just looks up at the other boy, wishing he could convey his affection through the air like he did last week.]
[ it's kind of shocking, with the way kaworu speaks, that no one else has at least given him that reassurance. but chrono's always been more honest and actionable about this kind of thing - it's why he's a good teacher, at his mundane little job. it's why he's a terrible liability, when things get dire.
he's not sure what's right to do here. kaworu is kind of like a child, still learning. not hearing that he mattered, during this time... it's a bit too familiar, as well. ]
...everyone who's made friends with you thinks that you matter. It's not always gonna be in words, but you'll see it in actions. The way Mr. Anders cares for you, the way you can talk so easily with everyone.
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You wanna know? Okay... [ hmmm. ] Well, it's just called Card Capital 2. It's where I met my friends for the first time. When I became old enough to have a part-time job, I asked if they'd hire me, and the owner gave me a few trial jobs which I passed. There's cabinets for customers to browse, and I spend a lot of time teaching new players. It's nice.
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[That sounds like a nice life. He'd never thought of something like that before. It was too mundane.]
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[ he looks pensive for a moment. ]
It lets me be closer to my friends, too. The ones still in Japan.
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[Could he be friends with Chrono's friends? Could he have friends outside of heaven? Or would it just be a repeat of everything that went wrong in Tokyo-III]
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[ it's said so earnestly, with such a wistful smile. god he misses them all so much. ]
I actually don't make friends easily. We were shoved together at first - Shion and Tokoha and me. It took a long time for us to warm up to each other, but when things started to go wrong, they stuck with me even though they didn't have to.
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[he would have imagined Chrono with so many friends. He seems so friendly and kind-hearted. Someone who says the right thing instead of the wrong thing.]
You must miss them.
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[ a sigh. they still talk, nearly every day. but it's not the same. ]
But I have Kazuma, as long as he'll put up with me. Which he seems to do, for some reason, even though I annoy the hell out of him for sure. [ ...ah ] Sorry, this turned into a bit of a speech.
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[he squeezes Chrono's hand more tightly]
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Even if you can't see them, as long as you still feel that you're friends, that bond won't break. You can go months without seein' someone, and then the next time you do it's like nothing's changed. Or... even never see them again, but your time with them is so special that it's enough to keep going. It's hard, for sure, but always worth it.
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...yeah. Anyway, I miss 'em.
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[ he looks out at the field, with the dogs still playing and running around. ]
I guess it's the same as why you felt you couldn't leave here. You'd miss this.
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Don't talk like that. [ his tone is serious, and a little hurt. ] You don't have to stay that way when you've learned a lot here. Using it's not so hard.
[ ...he flexes his free hand, briefly. ]
And... I don't know if it's actually possible, but I wondered if maybe I could reach out and find you all, one day. If you're not around, then I won't have the chance to try.
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If the committee has had their way there's no place for me to return to. But I'd like to see you again.
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[ there's no hesitance in the answer, but it's pained. ]
I wanted to. Zhongli... he trusted the angels, at least. I tried, but it's happened too many times now. Even so... I still want to have a little hope. It can't all die out.
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[Just gives his hand a little squeeze.]
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Please don't talk about protecting me. It doesn't... go well. [ wow he hates thinking about this. okay ] But... thanks, Kaworu. You matter to me, too. I'm glad I got to meet you.
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[He can not talk about protecting. He can do it and not talk about it. But being told that he matters just... cracks something in him. His eyes start to burn and so he raises his free arm to cover his eyes as he starts to tears start to run down his cheeks and his thin shoulders shaking with little suppressed sobs. Just allergies, obviously. He's fine.]
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immediately, chrono draws ahead of him, still holding their hands between them.
he's not sure about kissing him, the same way he had at the party. there's a reason he hasn't brought it up as promised. there's nerves there, to set some expectation for someone like kaworu, who still wasn't sure of himself, whose emotions were still finding their proper places in his heart.
but. he'll wrap his free arm around kaworu's shoulders, press his mouth to the crown of his head instead, and speak gently into his hair. ]
Hey? It's okay. Man, I didn't mean to upset you.
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[Kaworu is a strange being for sure. He knows what he wants, confident and bold, and yet even gentle words can sometimes shatter him.
The forehead kiss is so gentle and sweet that the tears stop and he just looks up at the other boy, wishing he could convey his affection through the air like he did last week.]
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[ it's kind of shocking, with the way kaworu speaks, that no one else has at least given him that reassurance. but chrono's always been more honest and actionable about this kind of thing - it's why he's a good teacher, at his mundane little job. it's why he's a terrible liability, when things get dire.
he's not sure what's right to do here. kaworu is kind of like a child, still learning. not hearing that he mattered, during this time... it's a bit too familiar, as well. ]
...everyone who's made friends with you thinks that you matter. It's not always gonna be in words, but you'll see it in actions. The way Mr. Anders cares for you, the way you can talk so easily with everyone.
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